Holding my baggie in the air and smelling my shoes

Every time I reach the security gate at Philly Airport I start thinking that I should have invested in Odor-Eaters.

I take off my shoes, my belt--you know the whole meaningless drill--as TSA employees (most of whom look they could find a ham sandwich much quicker than a carry-on bomb) root through luggage and frisk your grandmother.

Then remember when you couldn't have any liquids at all, followed by the wonderful dispensation from the government that you could carry three ounces of your favorite deadly toothpaste or shampoo if you walked through the gate like a moron holding it high in a baggie?

And why?

Because some nefarious terrorist in his cave in Afghanistan or Pakistan (where they can still apparently buy the chemistry sets that are banned in Great Britain) poses a threat to whip up a massive explosive that will send our airplanes careening to the ground in large balls of fire....

Except--as the government has known since the very onset of the liquids ban--this is complete and utter bullshit.

Science fiction writer James P. Hogan is also an engineer, and in Psy in the Sky he explains what Michael Jerk-off's Department of Homeland Security doesn't want to tell you: it is a practical impossibility.

Everyone has been watching too many old Mission: Impossible, 24, or Magyver reruns.

Here's Hogan:

"We're told that the suspects were planning to use TATP, or triacetone triperoxide, a high explosive that supposedly can be made from common household chemicals unlikely to be caught by airport screeners. A little hair dye, drain cleaner, and paint thinner - all easily concealed in drinks bottles - and the forces of evil have effectively smuggled a deadly bomb onboard your plane.

Or at least that's what we're hearing, and loudly, through the mainstream media and its legions of so-called "terrorism experts." But what do these experts know about chemistry? Less than they know about lobbying for Homeland Security pork, which is what most of them do for a living. But they've seen the same movies that you and I have seen, and so the myth of binary liquid explosives dies hard. . . .

Making a quantity of TATP sufficient to bring down an airplane is not quite as simple as ducking into the toilet and mixing two harmless liquids together."

So let's take a look at what would be involved. First, you need adequately concentrated hydrogen peroxide. Since this is hard to come by, a large quantity of the regular three per cent solution would probably have to be distilled, which is risky and carries a distinct risk of burning down the premises before even getting anywhere near an airport. But assuming this requirement is met, the remaining ingredients, acetone and sulfuric acid can be more easily obtained. Now comes the fun part. Take your hydrogen peroxide, acetone, and sulfuric acid, measure them very carefully, and put them into drinks bottles for convenient smuggling onto a plane. You can mix the peroxide and acetone in one container, provided you keep it cool, so include several frozen gel-packs--possibly in a carry-on cooler to pass as food. Flying first class might be a way of avoiding this if the bucket of ice water that comes with the Champagne would be adequate, but the cold gel-packs should still be considered as a supplement to have available if the cookery in the aircraft's lavatory gets out of hand by bursting into flames. You will also need a thermometer, a large beaker, a stirring rod, and a medicine dropper.

Once all is safely aboard and the plane over the ocean, proceed as follows. Very discreetly, bring all of your gear into the toilet. This might require several trips to avoid drawing attention. Once everything is in place, put a beaker containing the peroxide/acetone mixture into the ice bucket and start adding the acid, drop by drop, stirring constantly and watching the reaction temperature. The mixture will heat, and if it gets too hot, you'll get a fire or a weak premature explosion, possibly sufficient to kill you but probably no one else. After a few hours--assuming that the fumes haven't overcome you and your activities haven't aroused suspicion--you'll have a quantity of TATP with which to carry out your mission. Now all you need to do is dry it for an hour or two. Fortunately, TATP then is relatively easy to detonate. But remember, quality is all-important and demands care if true success "on an unimaginable scale" is to be achieved.

So why do we still have the 3-ounce policy?

Because the government has to do something to justify the existence of an entire, overpaid, intrusive Federal bureaucracy that refuses to employ even the most rudimentary profile-based screening while it randomly searches five-year-old children and spinsters in wheelchairs....

But I do feel so much safer.....