Thursday, February 12, 2009

Stimulate Me!

From the crew at Reason Magazine (God love 'em!)....

You may qualify for up to $350,000,000,000.00!!!

"As the government gets set to spend over $800 billion to stimulate the economy, make sure to get your fair share of the plunder by participating in Reason's Personal Stimulus Generator. It only takes a minute and will be worth billions!"

Mine is buried in :

Subtitle A--Commerce

National Telecommunications and Information Administration

Wireless and broadband deployment grant programs
(including transfer of funds to the Tyler Nixon Relief Fund for the Tyler Nixon Relief Fund Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

    For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $ 1,000,000.00 shall be paid directly to The Tyler Nixon Relief Fund in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by The Tyler Nixon Relief Fund to pay the bastards off and be done with it or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That The Tyler Nixon Relief Fund will receive free Widespread Panic tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That The Tyler Nixon Relief Fund shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Senator Chuckie "Chattering Classes" Schumer is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

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