Monday, March 16, 2009

BREAKING! Source of Glenn Beck "We Surround You" movement unveiled, and ...

... it's from outer space.

Hasn't everybody who thinks he's anybody been swept up (almost like the rapture, but on cable) with Glenn Beck's We Surround You movement?

Millions want to participate.

Millions more want the ones who participate locked up and tried for sedition.

Chuck Norris just wants a million people to come to his next karate tournament for geriatrics.

And FoxNews is counting the millions all the way to the bank (where, because the bank has taken TARP funds there will be no Snapple or million-dollar bonuses for the executives).

But I Googled "We Surround You" for my daily update, and discovered that:

Glenn Beck is in fact an emissary from the High Council in the planetary system of Sirius!!!!!!

I have proof.

The Sirian High Council, providentially, maintains a website. This is important stuff, and better by far than those watered-down principles about God, family, and the Constipation.

Here's the gist of the Sirian philosophy and movement:


A bright light shines upon your world tonight. Transcending time, transcending space, transcending the density of your known universe. The light that shines through defies the dark umbrage of shadow and cloud; it shines through the veil of the unknown...of ignorance, through borders, boundaries, limitation and separation. This is a light so bright it defies the very nature of your holographic reality, the third density...the world in which you believe you exist, for it is of such a frequency that it cannot be perceived there in any measurable terms and yet IT IS – and always will be.

Such is the brilliance of the light that pours through the Cosmos of Soul this day that it glitters in the conscious collective as do diamonds bathed in the rays of the sun. It strums the eternal strings of the heart and resounds in the music of the spheres with the sweetness of birdsong – with the roar of Gaia’s mighty waves when they crash upon her shores. It is the music of all experience; it is the laughter, the wonder, the joy of all existence: The Power and The Will and The Glory.

Those beyond the world of Gaia observe your struggle, celebrate your victories, share in your quest for peace and the higher vibration. In the cosmic clock, we, Sirians of the sixth dimension, are only minutes ahead of you and we are of you as you are of us. We know the density of fog. We know the longing to bask in that light where darkness never again can cloud the soul’s determined climb along the perilous journey back to Source. And yes, we know the light eternal where darkness cannot shroud the soul.


What? Don't see the resemblance to Glenn Beck yet?

(I do this research so you don't have to.)

How about now?:

We embrace you, children of Gaia … our love around you. We surround you with the strength and courage of our love and commitment, that together we (the Light Ones of the Universe) may understand the purpose of these destructive processes and learn from them. This process, that of confronting the lower emotions and then raising them for the good of the entirety, is the higher aspect of what is taking place around you now.


Ah ... we surround you ... Glenn is the emissary from the planet Please-send-him-somewhere-else.

Ahem. Seriously.

To those of you genuinely feeling like the America you're looking for is receding at the speed of trillions of dollars, here's a clue:

Following somebody like Glenn Beck or Chuck Norris serves only two functions:

1) Lining their pockets.

2) Allowing your political opponents to characterize you as dangerous nutjobs, and thereby use your lack of real political saavy to facilitate them doing all the things you're worried about.

What you can do:

1) If you are a social conservative, be a social conservative and stop worrying about gay people getting married, medical marijuana, or stem-cell research. Your freedom to do what you think is right, correct, and Godly is safeguarded at the price of gritting your teeth and minding your own business when other people have different ideas.

2) Stop accepting the idea that America is filled with us and them. Hate-mongers on both sides need the country to be polarized. They need you to refuse to recognize the good in people with different political opinions. They need to replace objective fact with carefully crafted media narratives which sound more believable than the truth.

3) Ask yourself if you really think it was an accident that Dick Cheney shot that guy. (OK, sorry. Couldn't resist.)

2 comments:

City Upon The Hill said...

"If you are a social conservative, be a social conservative and stop worrying about gay people getting married, medical marijuana, or stem-cell research. Your freedom to do what you think is right, correct, and Godly is safeguarded at the price of gritting your teeth and minding your own business when other people have different ideas."

(BTW, its not stem cell research we're worried about it is the non-scientific tax payer-funded destruction of embryos that we're worried about. Not sure why that's such a hard concept to grasp.)


I am a conservative and as an American will always fight for the rights of others to disagree with me but why would I just lay down and let the opposing viewpoint dominate the public sphere?

Things like homosexual marriage and Embryonic Stem Cell Research funding aren't just ideas or talking point they are actions of the state with a very real impact felt throughout public and private life.

I've always hated it when liberals/libertarians/whoever have told me to "respect the views of others" when what they actually mean is "allow the views of others to dominate public policy". The two are very different things and my opposition to the latter does not make impossible the former. I'm all for the absolute freedom of public discourse but I thoroughly resent the idea that I and my political companions' refusal to surrender this country is somehow close minded. We have heard the opposition and we remain unconvinced, as such it is our duty not to meekly accept a defeat that has not yet come but rather, to lobby for our cause as passionately as we can.

If we believe something is for the good of this country it would treacherous to lay down and allow the inverse to be forced upon this nation by the government.


Sorry if that was a bit of a rant but that has always bothered me. While Mr. Beck probably has the best of intentions I agree that these publicity stunts boil down to little more than just stunts that will sell a few books.

Tyler Nixon said...

homosexual marriage and Embryonic Stem Cell Research funding aren't just ideas or talking point they are actions of the state with a very real impact felt throughout public and private life.

Please, describe. The impact of homosexual marriage on your private life and "public life"?

(Is not the very idea that so-called marriage is a relevant matter of "the public life" a bit contradictory on its face?)

Do you have a personal stake in stem cell research embryos?

I've always hated it when liberals/libertarians/whoever have told me to "respect the views of others" when what they actually mean is "allow the views of others to dominate public policy".

And that's where you come off the rails. Libertarians don't want anyone's views "dominating public policy", yours or the liberals.

Mixing intensely individual, private, personal matters like marriage or reproduction with "public policy" is the short path to imposing one's own views on everyone, not just on those who share them with you.

In short, what liberties and opportunities do you or any of us personally lose from "homosexual marriage" or embryonic stem cell research?

If it's all really just about "dominating public policy" then you and your liberal counterparts immediately lose most any libertarian of whom I can think. One thing's for sure, no one around here is looking to impose our social ideology on anyone, legally politically or however.

Thanks for commenting.