Monday, August 24, 2009

I Don't Myself Do Facebook or Twitter or MySpace etc etc....

.....but damn if this Twitter feed isn't hilarious. (Warning : contains profanity).

shitmydadsays

Name
: Justin

Bio :
I'm 28. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says :

"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet.""Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing.""Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."
"Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"


"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog.""They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't.""My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up.""It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."

[Thanks to Radley Balko for the link.]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

that is fucking hilarious...as good as textsfromlastnight.com