Thursday, June 26, 2008

Political Economy in Laymen's Terms

I got this in the mail today and through you might enjoy it. I thought it was funny.

Political Economic Models Explained with Cows - 2008 Update

SOCIALISM- You have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM- You have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM- You have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM- You have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM- You have 2 cows.The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM- You have two cows.You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM- You have two giraffes.The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION- You have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM- You have two cows.You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.No balance sheet provided with the release.The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION- You have two cows.You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION- You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION- You have two cows.You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION- You have two cows.You count them and learn you have five cows.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION- You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION- You have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION- You have two cows.You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION- You have two cows.Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION- Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.You tell them that you have none.No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AN ISRAELI CORPORTION- You have two cows. You forget to support the Likud party in the elections so the state takes both cows and charges you tax and interest for the time you had them.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION- You have two cows.Business seems pretty good.You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION- You have two cows.The one on the left looks very attractive


Shirley Vandever said...

This is a riot !

Brian Shields said...

Delaware economy: You have two cows, and wish to sell whatever milk you don't drink. The local milk delivery company is threatened by your ability to provide milk cheaper, so it buys state legislators to block your ability to sell your milk. After almost a year of negotiating and lawsuits you finally agree to a deal where you sell less milk, at a price they choose. All the lawmakers agree that progress was made, and everyone is happy. You, getting the short end of the stick, is just happy to sell some milk at all, while the milk delivery company maintains their stranglehold over the milk industry.

Oh, I'm sorry, this was supposed to be funny, right?

Jim Fryar said...

How did you get Australians and Kiwis so correct?

Brian said...

Jim give me a job in Australia and I'll let you know after we kick back a few cold ones. And by then who knows maybe those cows will start looking pretty darn good? Lol. Hope all is well down under mate.