Tuesday, April 8, 2008

For Government Assistance Great Britain Asks: What Sex Are You?

Now that Great Britain asks for your sexual orientation for grants, it is only appropriate that we have our own sexual orientation questionnaires to match their questions. Next thing you know we can have the Gay Police to ensure that all "abnormal sexual identity" people are clearly marked with their own giant "G" for gay identification card. Of course if you live in Canada you can simply get your Pink Pistols ID Card.

We need the "Queer Cops" "Lesbian Vampire Patrol" "Tranny Gender Mosaic" "Crack Ho Ministry" or "Crack Ho Patrol" "Dykes on Bikes" I could go on but will save you the expletives with the note that any judgement of sexual orientation is a clear violation of persons right to enjoy life, liberty or the pursuit of their own happiness.

If Americans ever reach the point where we need to identify their sexual orientation to receive assistance from the government, I am confident I will self-identify as "Other: Crab-Eating or Japanese Macaque." I am very confused about which one I am more like?

I mean, like the Crab-Eating Macaque I enjoy helping females groom their fur and sometimes decorate it before and after I mate with them (unlike other species); and the grooming process itself often leads to coitus especially in hot water during winters like the Japanese Macaque, and I want the female Macaque to gather resources for me while I care for the young primates and prepare food resources?

I mean, it makes sense for a sensitive straight male right? I mean, I am socially in about the same position as a Macaque considering how many women like the Gelada Baboon (or Brad Pitt) type.

Overall such uncomfortable questions have about the same ontological value as asking someone if they are gay, bi-sexual, transgendered, straight, homosexual or lesbian on a government form....

They are inherently discriminatory because once you identify yourself one way how can you change it?

So now you know the horrible truth I am a sensitive male Macaque that likes to mate with female humans- why the hell should I care what you are?

Why not just allow people to be as wonderful, terrible and wacky as they are? As long as they are not hurting anyone why do we feel the need in our insecurity to stigmatize people? If I want to love women, the government does not ask me any questions.

Why should it be different for anyone else?

Oh yeah, I remember because you fag hags are thinking of the movie Boys Beware....

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